Living Outside My Little Box

I wrote this one a while ago.. I sat on it.. so here it is!

One thing I like to tell people is that if you ask me a question, I will answer it. But, you do have to ask the right question.. LOL. I have been posing a question to myself and I had to take a good look at myself and my emotions. I said to God, can it be about me for a little bit? Well, I received an answer. It wasn’t the answer I was expecting, but it was an answer none the less. The answer was No. But, but my mother just died (my father died years ago) and now I am an adult orphan… “No”

No, are you kidding me right now? As my son would say. No, He wasn’t kidding me. Even though I may be experiencing what I feel to be a difficult time in my life, doesn’t mean that it should revolve around me. Yes, I would love that to happen, but what would be the result? Probably me living a box and not grasping the reality of the situation. Or me not helping other people who may go through a similar situation.

Case in point Christmas. I am planner, so I made sure that I purchased my son’s gifts way in advance. Had that not happened he probably would not have had gifts because there was so much going on with my mom’s funeral and everything after. I did not put a Christmas tree. It was a few days before Christmas and I thought that going on Amazon and purchasing a little table top tree would be good enough for this year. I purchased that tree and when it came I started putting it together. My son said, Mommy that is not our Christmas tree. When are we going to put the real tree up? I’ll get it he said, then he proceeded to open the door to the crawl space to go get the “real tree.” I told him, okay, Daddy will get the tree. He said “Yay!” So, I think you know the rest of the story. Daddy got the tree and the ornaments out of storage and Mommy and son put it up just in time for Christmas.  How dare I be selfish, it’s really not about me. As a mother I had to put aside my feelings and ensure that he was taken care of. At the end of the day he told me that he had the “best Christmas ever!”

Now fast forward a few months and here I am still thinking that I can make it all about me. Things happen, people say things, do things and I want it to revolve around me. But the truth of the matter is on a normal day, do what you want to me and I will move past it.  It might take some time, but I’ll get over it. But this time I felt that I had a “right” to hold on to my feelings and take time away from different situations just because I could, because my mother died, right?  Of course, He said “No.” So are you telling me that I can’t be in my feelings for a little bit? “Yes.” I said to myself now why is that the case? But as I reflected it began to make sense. The more into my feelings I am the more it will become an issue and I will be more concerned about me, me, me and not others as I should be.

Whatever you are going through…. Grief, disappointment, despair, etc. Can you take a step back and see the bigger picture? Is your purpose to be all about you or can you move outside of your little box just a little bit to see the bigger picture, the vision and plan for your future? I am asking myself this question as well.

And please don’t get me wrong. There is a time and place for “ME” as well. In order for there to be balance there must be a place in your personal life just for you!

Its not easy, but when we step outside of our little boxes just a little bit and take it one step at a time I think that we can see a glimpse of the bigger picture and how we can help others and why it just can’t always be about me. Time to step out of my little box and get to work on my purpose, how about you?